Spookyhouse

Umm... hello. *cough* I am going to tell you of a memory I have repressed for 20 years, ever since I was nine years old. *cough* This memory had me shaking so terribly, so badly, that I was literally coughing up blood onto my keyboard as I was writing this. Like, right now as I am writing this, I am having to get up and go grab some wet wipes from my bathroom cabinet and wipe off my keyboard. Oops, there we go again. Anyway, back to this memory that I have repressed for 20 years.

Ok, so, um yeah, alright so, um, yeah, ok, yeah so, um, yeah ok, alright yeah, so, um, yeah, alright, ok, so, um, yeah um, like, ok like, yeah umm, yeah like, alright ok, so, um, like yeah, so, um yeah, like umm, ok like, yeah, so when I was 9 (AND A HALF!) my parents took me to my local car shop, McSleazy's Wheels and Cheeses. The first thing that triggered my s p o o g y s e n s o r was the fact that the store was not called McSleazy's Wheels and Cheeses, but instead it had a sign on the door that read: "Spookyhouse - Become Scared". Second thing that set me right off is the fact that the building looked dilapidated, so much so that it even looked like a local Friendy Flazbird's Fries restaurant, and those went out of business back in the year 3000. Third thing was that I was a shit little nine (AND A HALF!) year old, and I was such a cry baby that I literally wet my trousers as I stepped out of the automobile.

When I walked into the "automobile store", a peculiar male began to offer me a cheese wheel. "Gruyere?" he asked. Now, this may seem like a normal cheese, but it fact, it was not. When I partook in the cheese, I felt a bone wriggling around in my mouth. The second bite, I felt a black eye with a blue glowing pupil. "Am I really eating Sans Undertale in my cheese?" I asked the peculiar man. He revealed his face, which was hidden under his thick, black hijab. But the guy was a girl! "Mia Khalifa?" I said. I gasped. How could that dreaded Mia Khalifa kill my friendly neighborhood friend, Sand Undertoke?

"Hah AH HAHA AHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" exclaimed the Mia Khalifa.

She grabbed me from under my legs and dragged me by my ankles to a door that read "Conversion Room". I was already pissing my pants, but it really started flowing as she was dragging me. In fact, it flooded the store. We barely made it into the secret room. We reached the room, and when we walked inside I saw a big machine that read "Insert People Here" on one side, but read "Products come out Here" on the other side. She put me down and tied me to a chair. "Wait here," she said.

I saw her move over to the other side of the room. Mia began to pick up a body, and put it onto the conveyor of the machine. The body slowly moved over to the entrance of the machine. As it reached the entrance, the entrance door started opening to let the body in. After it had fully slid in, 5 minutes passed, and when the product came out of the exit side, a fully packaged and printed box of Coca-Cola slid across the exit conveyor.

"Was I really going to be turned into a Coca-Cola box?" I thought as I watched Mia Khalifa repeat this process with several more bodies. As much as I would have loved to be converted into a sweet, sweet, delicious Coca-Cola box, I did not believe it was the life for me. After an hour, she walked back over to me and began to pick me up. "Nothin personnel kid," she said to me as she placed me onto the conveyor. Luckily, I had eaten a Naked Chicken Chalupa(TM) from my favorite restaurant in the world, Taco Bell. At an amazing price of $2.99 at your local Taco Bell, this healthy chalupa is only 440 calories.

With the gaseous powers of my chalupa, I was able to fart rocket myself off of the conveyor belt and hit the wall. However, the fight was not over yet.

"You think you can escape me?" Mia Khalifa yelled as she ran towards me. Luckily, with my parkour skills that I had learned from my countless hours of minecraft IRL roleplay, I was able to run up the wall and onto the ceiling. I stood on the ceiling, taunting Mia, causing her to become steaming mad. However, the author had written in another power for Mia to possess: the ability to flip one's gravity. With her hand raised in the air as if to hail to the Third Reich, she turned my heart blue and threw me downward, causing me to be stuck on the floor. Bones started to erupt from the ground and try to impale me.

As all of this was going on, I focused my mind on Mia. Her skin was turning white, and one of her pupils was starting to glow blue. "Sang Ungertate?" I yelled. "It is me, my child," he replied to me. I realized that it was in fact not Sand, but it was the phantom Sans. "I can't hold her from attacking you for much longer," he said. "You must find another way to defeat her." I noticed that the bones started retracting back into the ground. Sans had faded. It was time to fight the beast.

Mia Khalifa started dashing at me, dual-wielding knives. She slashed at me, and it hurt. My arm had a large gash, and it was bleeding all over the floor. My fast reflexes as well as my quick intellect caused me to dodge the dash, and let Mia slip on the newly formed pool of blood. While she was down, I struck. I had socked the monster in the back of the head. "Ow, that hurt!" she screamed.

Now that she was angry, she started throwing racist remarks at me. "Filthy N***er," she said. The words began to cripple my insides. However, I did not let the pain deter me from doing what I had to do. I struck again. This time, I had gotten her in the armpit with my long fingernail.

As she was down tending to her arm wound, I delivered the final blow. I stood up, and let my pants drop, and let the piss flow. After 5 minutes of straight urine blasting, Mia Khalifa had been downed. I had felled the monster. I had won.

As I was lying down on the ground, thinking of what could possibly happen to me in the future, the ghosts of my past friends started returning to me. David S. Pumpkins, Sans Undertale, and Danny DeVito were circling around me in a giant haze of nothingness. "You're cool," they chanted. Over, and over, and over.

"That's right! I am cool!" I exclaimed to myself. I found the courage to leave the spookyhouse, and go back to my parents, who were in the car the whole time.

"Have fun, sweetie?" They asked me. "Yeah," I replied back.

When I got home, I immediately went to bed, proud of today's accomplishments.

It turns out that being within 50 meters of Mia Khalifa had given me AIDS and Gonorrhea.|

The treatment for this occurred 5 months later, and it is what gave me my trauma.

endetation