Huanted Quiznos

T'was midnight on a Friday. The weather was quite bad, with a thunderstorm and heavy downpour. Me, my buddy Rodriguez, Jamone, and Brendon were drivin around lookin for somewhere to eat. We stopped by a hotel to ask if their was a place nearby, and they weren't sure. We were about to leave when the night manager said something.

"Whatever thouest do, DO NOT eat at the local Quiznos", he said.

"Why?", I asked.

"JUST DON'T!", the night manager yelled.

We proceeded to head out in search of grub, our stomachs rumbling along the way. About half an hour of looking we stumble upon a 24/7 Quiznos open. At that point we were too hungry to think about the warning the manager had given us. We pulled into the parking lot and walked in. Outside, the store looked mismanaged, with pieces of the overhang tarp missing. Parts of the letters in the sign flickered. We didn't care, our stomachs were the priority. We stepped inside.

"Welcome... to our establishment", the casher stated. "What would you prefer?"

"I will take a Meatball sub", said jesus himself disguised as Rodriguez.

"Yuh, lil boi, Imma have sum o' dat Classic Italian", spoketh Brendon.

"And I'll tengo... el Baja Chicken", said Jämőñě.

While I was figuring out what to buy, something seemed wrong. The smell was horrendous. It was like a school of rats died inside there walls. I ignored it, because my stomach was real hungry.

"Uhhhhhh, lemme get, uhhhhhh Turkey Ranch", I said.

I immediately regreted my decision, as my buddies corrected me about the status of my purchase of the god damning Turkish Roach.

"Bruh homie, that shazizzle kinda gay lmao", stated Brendon.

"Mio... god... Este es... awful. Tú are... mucho cringe", cried Jāmøñę.

The only one who didsn't act like a real |REDACTED| was Rodriguez.

Ok, lemme just tell you a story about Rodriguez, ok? Like, the rest of this horror-coaster can only be explained once we recognize Rodriguez's godly prescense.

Rodriguez, unlike other mere mortals, descended form the heavens. He blessed humanity just by being they're. When he took shits, literal fucking gold bricks appeared. He was some sort of oddity to say the least. This came at a cost though. He attracted terrible luck and was cursed by some assbag who worked at Subway. Honestly, fuck Subway. Like that shit is gross. Fuck 'em. Like, I'd rather die by eating several hundred Truck Raddish sandwiches. If you like Subway, then you need to die.

Anyways back to the story at hand. We get the food, and the smell from it was like several tons of manure. It smelled so bad, that Brendon, the fag that he is, died on the literal spot.

Because of his untimely demise, he now haunts that Quiznos to this day. He works from 9 to 5, but he doesn't get paid cause he's a ghost. 4/10, 2 stars, would not go they're again.

Edit: After posting this Yelp, It seems Rodriguez messed with the retellings of the horrors. Anything involving him is false for the sole sake of him being Amish. Except for the Subway part. Fuck Subway. Eat Fresh? More like, "Eat Shit and die of food poisoning cause Jared wants revenge for getting thrown in prison."