The Curse of the Taquito

I'd like to preface this story I wrote just now by saying that everything that took place in this story I wrote just now is DEFIANTLY TRUE.

I used to have a peaceful life. I used to play catch with my dad, play frisbee with my dad, masturbate with my dad, you know, normal teenager things. I lived in an old farm house out in the middle of nowhere, and I didn't have anything to do around there except play a lot of games outside with my dad. Overall, my dad was a pretty nice guy. We used to play catch in the rye fields outside our house (this is a reference to The Catcher in the Rye). We also played some other games outside (this is a reference to The Outsiders). In fact, one of my favorite games we played was called "Hey son, let's play whack-a-mole from Chuck E. Cheese except we don't have clothes on and the hammer is my penis" (this is a reference to Fifty Shades of Grey).

But little did I know that my life  WOULD BE  changed forever after I left my dad to go to college.

I went to college at State City University, which was a university located in a nearby city in my state. Life in the city was different and new for me, as I had lived on a farm my entire life. After 2 flaccid hours of driving, I had arrived at my dorm building. I walked in and talked to the RA, who gave me my room number and room keys. I then proceeded to travel upstairs to my room, which was on the 7th floor. Afterwards, I unlocked the door and went inside. The door had 2 locks on it.

I stepped inside the room and set down my stuff. "Hola," my roommate said to me. I couldn't understand him because he spoke fluent Spanish and not fluent English. This was only the start of my problems, as the fact that he could not speak English led to a miscommunication in which my LIFE was CHANGED forever! "Hello," I responded.

I saw that my roommate was eating some taquitos, probably from a local Mexican restaurant around here somewhere. I was pretty hungry, so I asked him, "Hey man, can I please eat one of those taquitos?" to which he responded "No." Because he was speaking Spanish, I couldn't understand what he said, so I assumed he said yes and ate one of his taquitos.

He then proceeded to get really angry (I still don't know why to this day)